Jews Don't Have Septic Tanks: December 2010

The big switchover from old septic tank to new occurred yesterday. Yay! Finally! Other than the giant hole in my bank account, this should be a cause for celebration! But no. Sadly there was a complication.

Did you know that our new septic system has an electronic monitoring panel hooked up to a phone line, so it can be monitored remotely (at significant expense to moi) to make sure it is not overly turdy? And of course, what would an electronic monitoring panel be without a high-pitched, high decibel alarm system? Ahem...an uncalibrated high-pitched, high decibel alarm system.

So there I found myself coming home after a late night at work. Had some quick dinner and a little unwinding time. I turned off the TV, but I couldn't get the ringing out of my ears. Until I realized it wasn't inside my head ringing, but outside my head ringing. Right. The septic alarm. So in my pajamas I put on my coat and sandals and headed outside, down the stairs, and over to the control panel. Tracy had instructed me, having dealt with this earlier in the afternoon, that to turn off the alarm, you have to push the giant red lit up Rudolph nose button on the front of the panel. So there I am, freezing, but at least guided by the light of the button. And I push the button but nothing happens. So I push again and hold it in. After 10 seconds the loud whining ceased. I waited 10 seconds to make sure it wouldn't come back on. It didn't. Relieved, I headed back to the house.

I made it as far as the stairs. Just as I put my foot down on the bottom step, the ringing recommenced with renewed vigor. Back to the panel. I held down the button again, but I see it laughing at me. The ringing stopped. I let it go. Relief. For two seconds. I managed to not punch the panel. But I pushed that button again with more PSI than the recommended limit, if there were a recommended limit. (Felt reminiscent of the scene with Ivan Drago in Rocky III.)

Hooray. It stopped and stayed stopped. Went in and straight up to bed. Sleep finally.

Not.

After two calm minutes of bed, sweet bed, it started again. I forced myself to consider this a dilemma, and debated whether to go back down. But it wasn't much of a choice. I had to go back down.

Back down the stairs. Shoes, jacket, down the outside stairs. The panel. I looked at it. I glared at it. It was still laughing. But then I gave it "the look"--you know--the one only your dad can give you when he is disappointed or wants to be intimidating. Head bent, glasses down his nose, looking over the rims. I pushed the button and gave it the look for a good 30 seconds. I could tell it had stopped laughing. I went back inside. But now I wasn't sleepy. Just angry. So I turned the TV back on and researched what makes septic alarms go off. There is a surprising amount of literature...none of which applies when you've just turned the system on for the first time 8 hours earlier.

Fortunately it stayed off the rest of the night. Today they told us they had to calibrate it with their "computer people." Right. How would you like to have that job? I'm the computer programmer...for poo tanks.

Let's hope for a quieter night tonight.

After nearly a year of tests, inconsistent positions on the part of the county, and a lot of dollars spent, we finally got the septic installation started! We're about halfway along. The tank is in, but the drainfield hasn't been installed yet. Here's some photos I managed to take since I happened to be at home feeling under the weather when they started working. More photos to come of the drainfield if one of us is able to grab the camera during the next couple of days.